How often do you reflect on your day to day life? When you do, is there one particular thing that reappears frequently? Well for me, mine use to be the abuse that I saw and suffered. I held on to my past like it was the last meal I would ever eat. I savored and reflected and reflected and savored, only to find myself falling more and more into depression, sin and self-hate, just to name a few. I wallowed and swam in it. I hugged it and loved it into misery. You could not tell me I was not healthy or I was not living a great life. Boy, was I wrong.
Holding on to your past hurt, pain, trials and tragedies, cause more damage than you could ever believe. Did you know that if you continue to hold on to your past, you will never reach your intended future. Your future is so much greater than your past and you must realize that. You have to release the hurt, the pain, the guilt and shame. Those addictions must be released and you must come out of agreement with them. As long as you continue to remain in agreement with anything that is wicked and unpure, you will not flourish.
Maybe you like the pain, the improper attention, the guilt, shame and so many other things that you have lived with for way too long. When will you stop answering the door of your painful past? When will you kick the hurt and pain to the curb? Let it go, let it go! Let go of everything that hurts you, NOW. You have suffered long enough and deserve to move forward. You have come such a long way and should not want to turn back. You deserve so much, but you have to want it.
Peace, joy, abundant living, success, a sound mind, and a strong relationship with God, are some of the things you should desire to have. Guess what? You can have all of that and more if you release your past. All your past does is hold you back and not allow you to see your true authentic self or realize all the potential you have inside yourself. There is nothing like being free and being able to love yourself completely. When will you stop answering? I have.
Positive thoughts, positive affirmations and the greatest tools of all, Jesus and the Holy Bible. These are the tools that aided me in healing, being delivered and getting on the right path to a healthy life. I held on for quite some time to everything that was killing me inside. I hope that you all will learn how to let go, be free and live the most amazing live ever. I can’t wait to see what changes you make to become POWERFUL and live!!!!!!
© 2016 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved.
One of my all time favorite artist is Oleta Adams. She has this deep, sultry voice that belts out the most beautiful tones. Oleta has a hit song that I love titled “Everything Must Change.” Some of the lyrics of the song are “Everything must change, nothing stays the same. Everyone will change, no one stays the same. The young become the old and mysteries do unfold, ’cause that’s the way of time, nothing and no one goes unchanged.”
This song holds an even greater value to me today, because the song speaks the truth and I had to encounter many changes. My attitude had to change, my mindset had to change, my outlook on life had to change, my level of spirituality and relationships had to change. I wanted to change, but I had no idea how to do it. My mind, heart and spirit were stuck on broken. I was the victim and the world owed me everything so I thought. That was the farthest thing from the truth. Molestation and double-mindedness will have your head in a whirlwind.
The major change that was necessary for me, was the change of mindset. Low self-esteem, lack of confidence, poverty and a prideful mindset were just a few of the things that were necessary for me to change so I could get on the proper path that God established for me. I had to get out of my own way and begin to work on me. I would play a very large part in my healing process. Where do I start? How do I change? Where did all this negativity come from? I was holding on to so much bitterness, anger and hostility. I am truly surprised that I made it this far.
First, I had to make the decision that I wanted to change. I was tired of being friendless, angry, broke and broken. I was tired of using my body to get absolutely nothing, which is not what it is for. My change demanded that I take action. It was necessary to remove myself from people that were not good for me. I was needy and very afraid of being alone, abandoned and rejected yet again, but changes were needed. How would I ever lead, help to heal or create change in the earth when I was stuck. Change was mandatory not just for myself, but those I was placed here to help.
My mindset was jacked up since childhood. You can only fight for so long until you just release and not in a good way. How do you reel in everything you have dealt with and realize that you have been mentally imprisoned? Please don’t think it will be a quick change. It could take months to years to change your mindset depending upon how sick you are. It also depends on how many other spirits have attached themselves to you. You may be fighting multiple spirits…depression, low self-esteem, lust, perversion, double-mindedness, rejection, pride, and poverty, okay you get the picture. Yes, I was dealing with all of these spirits plus some.
You must want change, have determination and have a relationship with God. I wanted change, but God and I were on the outs, well, I was on the outs with Him. I was in a state of why me, when will it be my turn, when will I get this, why did you allow that to happen to me, until I realized I needed him more and more. I could not change alone.
I needed to know who God made me to be and why he made me. I knew I was strong because most people would have committed suicide with all that I had endured. God was waiting for me to change my mindset, my relationship with him which helped me to mature spiritually. No good thing will come while you live in a negative bubble. Why, might you ask? Here it is. With the negative mindset and spirit, you are speaking death unto yourself. You are speaking those things you see and feel, instead of speaking those things as you want them to be. Yes, I just paraphrased it for a better understanding.
Do not continue to say that you are broke or you do not have. First, be grateful for all that you have, because there is someone who is much worse off than you. Secondly, learn how to rephrase and reframe your thoughts and words. Learning to rephrase allows you to speak positively. Another way to say that you don’t have money is, “I’m facing temporary cash flow issues.” or “I’m choosing to spend my money elsewhere.” If you truly take a look around you, you are not broke.
You have shelter, food, running water, a vehicle (possibly), clothes and everything else you need to survive. When you change your thought process and the words in which you speak, you change your mindset and your outcome. Again, we are talking about change, which is what we must do in every aspect of our life if we are not happy.
The one thing that you cannot change is what happened to you, but you can change your outlook on it and decide to live a greater life. Abuse can never be removed, but you can accept it, embrace it share it and help some one else to be delivered from it. The longer you hold on to it, the longer you will suffer.
When you are ready to let go, you must be willing to share your story, be honest with yourself about your story, be transparent and be vulnerable. When you do those things, people connect with you and may share their story with you. You then realize that you are not alone. It is very necessary for you to change your mindset, so you can achieve great freedom, inner peace and a life of success.
“Let this mind in me be that which is also in Jesus Christ.” We need and want the mind of Jesus. I thank him daily that he woke me up in my right mind, but I need his thoughts to be my thoughts, I need his words to be my words. I understand that change begins with me and I must work hard to change everything about me that is not pleasing to God. If you don’t know how to change, ask God to help you.
Ask God to send his children which are filled with His spirit, peace, love, wisdom, knowledge and understanding to come into your life. I tried to do it alone, but I could not, which took me a lot longer than I wanted, but I asked God to help me and that is when it changed. God did not place us here to do anything alone, but with him and the vessels he placed here to help you. Change, change and change again. Do not let the spirit of Leviathan(pride) keep you from being healed, delivered and set free.
I pray that on today, you desire change. I pray today that you become bold and ask for change. I pray on today that you are open and ready for change. CHANGE can be yours if you want it. What are you willing to change? What are you willing to do to change?
Remember, everything must change! Change creates a successful, more enjoyable and peaceful life.
In Destiny and Service,
© 2016 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved
Most of my life I have lived in shame. I walked around with my head held down or pretended to be just fine. Shame is ” A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. Merriam-Webster defines it as dishonor or disgrace. Shame causes a lot of psychological issues that lead us to not knowing why our behavioral patterns change. Shame can leave you broken, depressed, suicidal, lack of self-esteem and possibly with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD).
How many of you have ever felt disgraced, dishonored or humiliated? What caused you to feel that way? I suffered from all of them. Living with the shame of what happened to me growing up and what I did on my own that caused me to feel even more shame. I was flawed, damaged goods, if you will. I was beautiful on the outside but felt filthy on the inside. I felt shame because I felt dirty, inadequate, not worthy of being loved or having anything that I ever dreamed of. In my inadequacies, I believed I was not intelligent. I would claim that I only had two brain cells not knowing that I was speaking death to myself. Due to some lack of memory, I did not believe I could conquer the inadequacy of being intelligent, or a better person. I also believed I was not adequate enough to write a book, return back to school or begin my own business. I had no belief in myself what so ever.
I struggled with all of the above due to the abuse I suffered and because of my lack of self and my feelings. Boyfriends, sex partners(male and female), young or old, did not matter. No, I never abused another child, but my selection of sexual partners were younger than I. I became the teacher, if you will. Not because I wanted to, but I was so advanced in my sexual being that I could. I knew what felt good to me and I had performed it so much, I knew what would make them feel as if they were floating on a cloud. I remember being with a gentleman that was probably twenty years my senior. We met at his jewelry stand and later that week, I became his dirty gem. I remember just laying there allowing him to do as he pleased and to this day I remember the unattractive faces that he made as he pleasured himself via me. There were weeks that would go by when I had been with two to three different men in a day. Sometimes, it was them and then friends.
A whore, skank, nasty, dirty ________, there are so many names I am sure you are calling me as you read this, but what is your claim to shame. Mine was being the pillar and post for anyone to lay inside of and float like a butterfly. You know that high where you don’t want to come down, but eventually you do, that was me. I aimed to please. Whether it was just you, you and your friend or a room full of friends, watching and participating, that was me. I never gave thought to how this would affect me, my family, my health, my daughter(who was not even a thought at the time), my life overall.
My mental state was a disaster until I learned just how precious of a gem I am. I still struggle with my self-esteem at times, but overall, I know how wonderful and beautiful I am. I went through my periods of celibacy off and on, but now I am on the road to being completely pure for my husband. I had a lot of soul searching to do, through all of the filth and feeling of shame. I had to take the time to find out who I was created to be and why I was created. I had to ask God to forgive me and I eventually learned that I had to forgive myself. If I did not go through the shame of being molested and being a sex dump, would my self-esteem have been higher long ago, would I be married at this moment, would I have been a better mother to my deserving daughter. Maybe, but my life was not grand at all, so now, I am trying to right my wrongs.
I cannot change my past, but I have since dropped the feelings of shame, no matter what it cost. I knew I was no longer ashamed of what I did when I was able to tell people what I had endured and it no longer bothered me. Start with being honest with yourself and others. Tell someone you trust about your abuse, your carelessness, your low self-esteem, your suicidal ideations, your lust, your feeling of uncleanliness and all the other things you may be feeling.
Today, I am loving myself more. I take better care of myself, I am in school working on achieving a degree, writing my memoirs and creating a ministry so that I can help others like me. It was not a quick or easy process, but I am still working on me. I know there are a lot of people who still feel ashamed of their past, but it is time to let it go and live a shameless, beautiful and fulfilling life. You can do it and I know you can, because I did. Yes, you did all of it, but God forgives and it is time to forgive yourself. God hears you and he wants to clean you up and make you whole. Be sincere when you go to God. He can create in us a clean heart and a right and renewed spirit. Tell shame that it no longer has a right to dwell in you and you no longer stand in agreement with it. Let God do it today!
© 2017 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved.
I had the distinct privilege of serving at a resource center for women. I signed up as a volunteer not knowing what it would entail. I went in with no expectations, just a happy, humble heart to serve. I took the opportunity to walk, instead of driving as it was not far from my job. I arrived and was greeted by a very warm smile from the receptionist. She asked who was I there to see and I informed her that I was a volunteer. She asked if I had ever volunteered there before and I responded “No”. She called Mr. Devin, who ran the kitchen, as well as prepared the meals for the clients. She then informed me of the directions to arrive at the kitchen.
I walked up three steps and made a left turn. I noticed a medium size dining area and a full size commercial kitchen. I walked in and Mr. Devin introduced himself and I did the same. He told me that he would show me how to sign in to the computer, but another group of volunteers showed up, so he did it all at one time. We were informed we needed to place a cap on our heads as well as getting an apron to wear. We were all signed in and the delegation began. Some were told to set the tables while others assisted in preparing the food. The menu for lunch that day was baked beans and sausage. Once our main task were completed, he asked us to fold napkins to fill three baskets. This was actually a time for all to get to know each other. We conversed about multiple things, dealing with our home life and volunteering.
The time was five minutes to twelve and the ladies began pouring in. Gospel music began to play and I began to sing and quietly worship God. This particular moment almost brought me to tears, because at any given day, it could be me. My heart literally fell into my stomach, because I love people. I never want to see anyone hurting, homeless or hungry. We began distributing the food with a warm hello and great big smiles. The ladies were so pleasant and responded in thanksgiving. Yes, they were there to be fed, but they also needed some TLC. You never know the impact you can have by smiling or just greeting someone. We continued to serve and made the ladies feel warm and welcomed. While we were warm and fuzzy, we took notice of staff members that were not.
We encountered the ladies being yelled at for having so many bags, instead of gently asking them to move them, we witnessed the cooks speaking negatively about a client that did not wish to partake of the food. There were conversations had by staff members to the women that were not pleasant or loving. My cohorts and I were taken aback by these actions. Although we are not in this environment daily, we all agreed that everyone should display a servants heart and a loving attitude. When you are already in a downtrodden situation, you do not need another person speaking to you in a degrading and belittling manner. No matter what your situation is, always show kindness and be gentle, as you never know what someone is dealing with. Does your words hurt more or are they comforting?
We never know who we may be entertaining. Never get above yourself that you put others beneath you. In a matter of seconds it could be you who needs some form of assistance. We were all placed here to serve in some capacity. My spirit of serving was evident by many of the ladies, but more so, by one who took the time to come over and speak with me. She told me if she had a business, she would hire me. She shared some of her ups and downs and even some of her more personal matters, that had not been disclosed with anyone but her daughter. I graciously listened and responded when I thought it was necessary. Ms. Tina is what we shall call her, asked when would I be returning so she could come when I was there. I informed her that I did not know for sure as I was volunteering for the day. I kindly let her know that she matters and should continue to be her kind, loving self. I returned back to my duties and the it was soon time to return to work.
On the way back the discussion was what could we do to make things better or what could we change. Many ideas were shared, but needless to say, we did a small portion that day just by serving. Volunteering, purchasing groceries, reading to a class, cooking a meal or two, cutting the grass of an elderly person, so on and so forth. There are many ways to serve and you must seek out your opportunity to do so. What breaks your heart? What are you passionate about? What can you change immediately? You can be a change agent. So in closing, I ask, who, how and when are you willing to serve?
Peace and Blessings
© 2016 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved
One of the greatest machines ever created is our mind(brain). It was actually the first computer created. Our minds are capable of retaining and compartmentalizing so much information. Our brain is responsible for various things in our bodies, such as movement, digestion, our personalities, memories and how we see things in the world.
Our body is affected by our brain and our thoughts. If we think unhappy, negative thoughts, it can cause illness in our bodies along with other things. If we think happy thoughts, it causes us to have a more positive outlook on things and more likely to succeed at what we desire.
First, let me be very clear about what I am about to say. How you see yourself, your life and the details of it, are what you get. You cannot have a negative mindset and expect to live a prosperous life. You cannot expect to succeed, move forward or to gain your hearts desires when you think negatively. Lets take me for example, because I know myself and can only speak about me.
Most of you know I was sexually abused growing up and survived domestic violence as well. My thoughts of myself, my family, my finances and literally everything around me was negative. Not only was I negative, but I did not believe that I deserved better. What happened to me? Well, when you live in an environment that does not celebrate or encourage you, you take things as is or worse. Never did I believe I deserved the best of anything. I did not think highly of myself at all, why should I, my purity and innocence was taken at such an early age and no one poured in to me. I did not have a caregiver or a family member that told me I was kind, I was smart or beautiful.
The only times I was provided with encouraging words was when someone wanted to have sex with me. No one, other than those that wanted me for sex told me how beautiful or sexy I was, and that was because they wanted something from me. No one told me how smart I was or that I could achieve anything I desired to do. My father had no idea I could sing, until I asked my mom to listen to a recording I was working on and my father did not believe it was me, until my mom told him it was several different times.
See your mind controls so much of what you think and do. Could things have been different for me, absolutely. If I had positive reinforcement, positive events and thoughts, my life would have been different a long time ago. I would have thought more highly of myself, I would not have remained in ‘Victim’ mode so long, I would have loved and adored myself sooner, I would respected my complete being sooner, I would have understood my greatness and destiny sooner.
Don’t stay trapped in the negative thoughts and affects of your mind. Free yourself from negative thoughts, negative people, negative issues and negative places. When you completely release every negative aspect and begin to fill it with positive things, your entire life changes. You become more aware, you are filled with joy and peace, You feel like Rocky Balboa when he reached the top of the steps at the museum. When you begin to walk and work in a positive state, everything around you falls into a positive light. Shed that negative weight and begin to walk lighter.
No more negative self-talk, no more low self-esteem, no more self-hate, no more letting people manipulate you. Hold your head up, learn who you are and how great you are. Encourage and speak well of yourself and to yourself. If you don’t have anyone to encourage or lift you up, I am here for you.
Peace and Blessings,
© 2016 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved