Abuse, Molestation, Self-Esteem, Sexual Abuse, Uncategorized

You Better Lift Up Your Head!



Do you recognize any of the words listed in the image above? Do you realize these words are what shame does to you and how it makes you feel? Aren’t you ready to live a more complete and healthy life? You must get rid of the spirit of shame.

Shame is one of the spirits that come along with being sexually abused. It sends your emotions through a whirlwind. Shame makes you feel as if you are undeserving of love, healthy relationships and so much more. The spirit of shame will have you walking around with your head down and believing that you are not who God called you to be.

Shame is defined by Merriam-Webster as, “A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.”  So I ask you in the circumstances of being sexually abused (undesirable or unwarranted fondling, voyeurism, pornography, exposure, raped or physical contact); what did you do that was wrong or of foolish behavior? We, the victim did NOTHING wrong. We never had a say in what was about to take place. We, the victim never consented nor did we do anything to entice the abuser.

The enemy tricks us in to  believing it was our fault. The enemy tricks us into believing that we should feel nasty and dirty, but that is a lie. We must stop allowing the recycled hurt and pain to torment us daily. It is the enemy that has us believing that no one will accept us or love us. Your destiny is on the line due to something that happened. It happened, but how long will you hold on to it? There is no reason for you to be embarrassed or ashamed of what happened. Understand, the moment you begin to speak about what happened, you are freeing yourself of guilt and shame.

God is a loving God that convicts us, not condemns us. The enemy condemns us. In the Holy Bible,  John 3:17 says, “For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world but that the world through him might be saved. The definition of condemnation is, “The expression of very strong disapproval; to be utterly wrong”. Romans 8:1 tells us, “There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”The enemy is the one that torments us and messes with our minds. God makes no mistakes and he does not disapprove of you. God loves you and wants you to have the absolute best. Romans 15:7 says, “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. God loves you so much that he gave his only begotten son. Most family members or friends won’t die for you. It wasn’t a second thought for Jesus to die on Calvary for you.

Break away from the spirit of shame. If you can identify with any spirit that is not of God, learn the name of it. Begin to call the spirit up and cast it from you. Reach out to someone who has more knowledge about casting out spirits. Don’t become fearful of being free. Learn the name of the spirits and read up on them. There are books that will tell you what spirits you may be dealing with, how they come grouped together and how you can be healed from it. God loves you queen. God loves you king. Now be healed and walk upright in your anointing and power. Lift up your head and know that you are wonderfully and fearfully made.

Be healed, set free and delivered

In Destiny and Service,
Always Retta


© 2017 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved.




Abuse, Molestation, Self-Esteem, Sexual Abuse, Uncategorized

May I Have Your Attention Please!


Merriam-Webster defines rejection as, “the act of not accepting, believing, or considering something: the state of being rejected”

In a world of trauma, you don’t have the opportunity to know who you really are. You look for love and acceptance from all aspects of life. It gives you a spirit of perfectionism making you think that one day, everything you do, will be done perfect. Rejection will have you looking desperate without you even realizing it.

I began modeling and competing in pageants at a very early age. Due to returning back to Baltimore, I was removed from that environment. I was reintroduced to modeling in my teenage years, but on a larger scale. I believe it was in my senior year, along with one of my instructors, we co-created a charm club. It was created to assist in building self-esteem and learning proper etiquette. It made me feel great because I was not accepted overall in school.

Even today, there are still classmates that do not interact with me. I was the captain of the Pom-Pom squad, a choir member and ran track and field, but not really liked much by my team members. On the outside, people believed I had high self-esteem and some thought I was arrogant. If they only knew.

I was a young woman dealing with an identity crisis, not understanding why people in school did not like me. I dressed nice, so I thought. I believe I was cordial and friendly, until you crossed me, then I was through with you. I stayed in fights and honestly could not tell you why. What I do know is that I would not let anyone say what they wanted to me, so verbally and physically, I fought back. I found myself dealing with more upper classman, because my classmates really did not like me, male or female. It hurt to the point that I would shut down and began really staying to myself.

In my dress and my actions, I was crying out for attention. All we ever want is to be loved and accepted by people. My school mates had no idea of the ‘other life’ I was living. I had been molested and trying to figure out who I was and where I fit in. Not knowing where, I just flowed with everything and never questioned it. In that hurtful  place of unacceptance, I learned of another gift, singing.

My music teacher Ms. Gardner, pretty much made me perform my first solo in school. I loved singing, but that was at home or with my favorite auntie. I remember after my first time performing, people coming up to me and telling me they did not know that I could sing, my response, “Me either.” Ms. Gardner saw something in me that I did not know was there. Singing with the choir, you are heard, but not in the way you are when performing a solo.

That introduced me to another group of people that I would call friends. Lamont Thomas was a well loved vocalist at our school whom I had the brief opportunity of dating. He was a gentleman, a very gifted singer and funny. At this time I began to realize that I had few female friends and many male associates. I guess you could say I really had plenty of associates and not friends.

Hanging out with Lamont and just listening to him sing was good enough for me. I can see him at this very moment sitting at the dining room table at my parent’s home, looking nervous. He found a way to always keep me smiling and that was enough for me. The joy of song, his friendship and laughter was taken away through death. I had no one to turn to and that was painful for me.

My new outlet was getting back into modeling. After barely graduating, I turned back to modeling. I signed up with John Casablanca, which was a costly lesson and pretty much did nothing for me. I later signed up with Odyssey Modeling and began taking classes.

I met an array of wonderful people, that did become lifetime friends. Returning to this arena allowed me to meet great people, and get to know myself a little bit. I was still seeking attention at this point, but did not know it. I set out to become a supermodel at the agency and anywhere else I could fit in and was liked. In meeting new designers and makeup artists, I was doing just that.

I was attending model call after model call and booking photographers to help build my portfolio. I was being hired for numerous runway shows and receiving extra modeling lessons on the side. Being 5’0″, did not help but because my stride and attitude was that of a 6’0″ model, I was well on my way.

My popularity as a model was increasing because I broke the barriers. I broke them so much so, that designers began to create garments just for me which was unheard of. I was participating in photo shoots and realizing that I was good and became a chameleon. It was fulfilling, but I was still hurting and broken on the inside.

I met a photographer by the name of Eric, who I would shoot with often. I was still young and very naïve. Very trusting of any and everyone. Needless to say, one day I found myself shooting nudes with Eric. It was something he suggested and I thought it would be okay, don’t ask me why, but rejection played a part. How you might ask?

Well, I wanted to be liked, accepted and continue to receive free photographs. I don’t recall ever saying no to anyone, because I wanted them to continue to like me. Eric and I continued to shoot together, until one day I decided against it. I never heard from Eric again and I was okay with that.

What happened, was I beginning to feel better about myself, or was my conscious getting the best of me? I never allowed anyone to photograph me in the nude again after that. Something inside of me was changing, and it was still a struggle. I wanted to be liked and loved, but not in that manner. I found myself turning down offers for shows and photo sessions. I still loved what I was doing, but looking at it from a different perspective.

I continued on with modeling well into my adult life, but having more pride in myself and treating it differently. I matriculated into training models and in doing so, we always had the casting couch conversation. I knew the tricks of the trade and how being uninformed would literally have you selling your body and soul for promises that would never happen.

When you learn that you are not your circumstances, your trials and tribulations, you grow. In taking time to heal, getting to know yourself and moving forward is a process, and well worth the time. Now, I live for Retta. I dress for Retta, I wear make-up when I want to for Retta.

I am out of commission for wearing high heels right now, but wearing them is also for Retta. I do things for Retta. I am living to learn how to completely love Retta and every aspect of her. Retta is now saying no, without any feelings of guilt or sorrow. I am loving on myself more and more so that self-rejection is no longer a spirit I carry.

Even now, I still see how some of my classmates, church members, co-workers look at me and turn away quickly without saying hello back or interact with me at all. What is greater about these events now, is that I respond differently. I quit trying to fit in and stand out on my own. Whereas I use to be the problem, it is no longer me.

I want the best for everyone and you don’t need to interact with everyone. Some do not have your best interest at heart and they aren’t even sure why they don’t like you. If they do know, they are not bold enough to tell you. Sometimes in life, we do things that we are not aware of until someone points it out. We have done it throughout our entire life span so we think it is okay. It shows that we don’t have each others best interest nor do we love them, when we don’t inform them of possible unknown behaviors.   I can handle being alone better, although sometimes I don’t like it.

How do you begin conquering rejection? First, you must declare that you fall out of agreement with rejection. You must denounce rejection and fall out of alignment with it. Let rejection know that it is no longer welcomed in your life. Second, stop rejecting yourself! Self-rejection is hatred of self.

You are rejecting every good thing that can come into your life. Love on yourself and become accepting of everything you deserve. You have to get to know who you truly are as well as who God made you to be. Find verses in the Bible that states who you are in God and recite them daily. Celebrate your victories, celebrate yourself. Treat yourself well. Take yourself out on dates. Speak healing, wholeness and life over yourself. Change your language. Speak love, strength, beauty, and loving words to yourself.

Those are just a few ways to begin healing from rejection and self-rejection. If you need more indepth assistance, you can complete the contact page on my website.

Knowing and loving yourself is one of the greatest things you could ever do.

In Destiny and Service,
Always Retta


© 2016 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved.

Abuse, Molestation, Self-Esteem, Sexual Abuse, Uncategorized

Knock, knock, Who’s There? You’re Past



How often do you reflect on your day to day life? When you do, is there one particular thing that reappears frequently? Well for me, mine use to be the abuse that I saw and suffered. I held on to my past like it was the last meal I would ever eat. I savored and reflected and reflected and savored, only to find myself falling more and more into depression, sin and self-hate, just to name a few. I wallowed and swam in it. I hugged it and loved it into misery. You could not tell me I was not healthy or I was not living a great life. Boy, was I wrong.

Holding on to your past hurt, pain, trials and tragedies, cause more damage than you could ever believe. Did you know that if you continue to hold on to your past, you will never reach your intended future. Your future is so much greater than your past and you must realize that. You have to release the hurt, the pain, the guilt and shame. Those addictions must be released and you must come out of agreement with them. As long as you continue to remain in agreement with anything that is wicked and unpure, you will not flourish.

Maybe you like the pain, the improper attention, the guilt, shame and so many other things that you have lived with for way too long. When will you stop answering the door of your painful past? When will you kick the hurt and pain to the curb? Let it go, let it go! Let go of everything that hurts you, NOW.  You have suffered long enough and deserve to move forward. You have come such a long way and should not want to turn back. You deserve so much, but you have to want it.

Peace, joy, abundant living, success, a sound mind, and a strong relationship with God, are some of the things you should desire to have. Guess what? You can have all of that and more if you release your past. All your past does is hold you back and not allow you to see your true authentic self or realize all the potential you have inside yourself. There is nothing like being free and being able to love yourself completely. When will you stop answering? I have.

Positive thoughts, positive affirmations and the greatest tools of all, Jesus and the Holy Bible. These are the tools that aided me in healing, being delivered and getting on the right path to a healthy life. I held on for quite some time to everything that was killing me inside. I hope that you all will learn how to let go, be free and live the most amazing live ever. I can’t wait to see what changes you make to become POWERFUL and live!!!!!!

 © 2016 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved.

Abuse, Molestation, Self-Esteem, Sexual Abuse

Everything Must Change!


One of my all time favorite artist is Oleta Adams. She has this deep, sultry voice that belts out the most beautiful tones. Oleta has a hit song that I love titled “Everything Must Change.” Some of the lyrics of the song are “Everything must change, nothing stays the same. Everyone will change, no one stays the same. The young become the old and mysteries do unfold, ’cause that’s the way of time, nothing and no one goes unchanged.”

This song holds an even greater value to me today, because the song speaks the truth and I had to encounter many changes. My attitude had to change, my mindset had to change, my outlook on life had to change, my level of spirituality and relationships had to change. I wanted to change, but I had no idea how to do it. My mind, heart and spirit were stuck on  broken. I was the victim and the world owed me everything so I thought. That was the farthest thing from the truth. Molestation and double-mindedness will have your head in a whirlwind.

The major change that was necessary for me, was the change of mindset. Low self-esteem, lack of confidence, poverty and a prideful mindset were just a few of the things that were necessary for me to change so I could get on the proper path that God established for me. I had to get out of my own way and begin to work on me. I would play a very large part in my healing process. Where do I start? How do I change? Where did all this negativity come from? I was holding on to so much bitterness, anger and hostility. I am truly surprised  that I made it this far.

First, I had to make the decision that I wanted to change. I was tired of being friendless, angry, broke and broken. I was tired of using my body to get absolutely nothing, which is not what it is for. My change demanded that I take action. It was necessary to remove myself from people that were not good for me. I was needy and very afraid of being alone, abandoned and rejected yet again, but changes were needed. How would I ever lead, help to heal or create change in the earth when I was stuck. Change was mandatory not just for myself, but those I was placed here to help.

My mindset was jacked up since childhood. You can only fight for so long until you just release and not in a good way. How do you reel in everything you have dealt with and realize that you have been mentally imprisoned? Please don’t think it will be a quick change. It could take months to years to change your mindset depending upon how sick you are. It also depends on how many other spirits have attached themselves to you. You may be fighting multiple spirits…depression, low self-esteem, lust, perversion, double-mindedness, rejection, pride, and poverty, okay you get the picture. Yes, I was dealing with all of these spirits plus some.

You must want change, have determination and have a relationship with God. I wanted change, but God and I were on the outs, well, I was on the outs with Him. I was in a state of why me, when will it be my turn, when will I get this, why did you allow that to happen to me, until I realized I needed him more and more. I could not change alone.

I needed to know who God made me to be and why he made me. I knew I was strong because most people would have committed suicide with all that I had endured. God was waiting for me to change my mindset, my relationship with him which helped me to mature spiritually. No good thing will come while you live in a negative bubble. Why, might you ask? Here it is. With the negative mindset and spirit, you are speaking death unto yourself. You are speaking those things you see and feel, instead of speaking those things as you want them to be. Yes, I just paraphrased it for a better understanding.

Do not continue to say that you are broke or you do not have. First, be grateful for all that you have, because there is someone who is much worse off than you. Secondly, learn how to rephrase and reframe your thoughts and words. Learning to rephrase allows you to speak positively. Another way to say that you don’t have money is, “I’m facing temporary cash flow issues.” or “I’m choosing to spend my money elsewhere.” If you truly take a look around you, you are not broke.

You have shelter, food, running water, a vehicle (possibly), clothes and everything else you need to survive. When you change your thought process and the words in which you speak, you change your mindset and your outcome. Again, we are talking about change, which is what we must do in every aspect of our life if we are not happy.

The one thing that you cannot change is what happened to you, but you can change your outlook on it and decide to live a greater life. Abuse can never be removed, but you can accept it, embrace it share it and help some one else to be delivered from it. The longer you hold on to it, the longer you will suffer.

When you are ready to let go, you must be willing to share your story, be honest with yourself about your story, be transparent and be vulnerable. When you do those things, people connect with you and may share their story with you. You then realize that you are not alone. It is very necessary for you to change your mindset, so you can achieve great freedom, inner peace and a life of success.

“Let this mind in me be that which is also in Jesus Christ.” We need and want the mind of Jesus. I thank him daily that he woke me up in my right mind, but I need his thoughts to be my thoughts, I need his words to be my words. I understand that change begins with me and I must work hard to change everything about me that is not pleasing to God. If you don’t know how to change, ask God to help you.

Ask God to send his children which are filled with His spirit, peace, love, wisdom, knowledge and understanding to come into your life. I tried to do it alone, but I could not, which took me a lot longer than I wanted, but I asked God to help me and that is when it changed. God did not place us here to do anything alone, but with him and the vessels he placed here to help you. Change, change and change again. Do not let the spirit of Leviathan(pride) keep you from being healed, delivered and set free.

I pray that on today, you desire change. I pray today that you become bold and ask for change. I pray on today that you are open and ready for change. CHANGE can be yours if you want it. What are you willing to change? What are you willing to do to change?

Remember, everything must change! Change creates a successful, more enjoyable and peaceful life.

In Destiny and Service,
Always Retta


© 2016 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved



Abuse, Molestation, Self-Esteem, Sexual Abuse, Uncategorized

Tell the Truth and Shame the Devil


Most of my life I have lived in shame. I walked around with my head held down or pretended to be just fine. Shame is ” A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. Merriam-Webster defines it as dishonor or disgrace. Shame causes a lot of psychological issues that lead us to not knowing why our behavioral patterns change. Shame can leave you broken, depressed, suicidal, lack of self-esteem and possibly with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD).

How many of you have ever felt disgraced, dishonored or humiliated? What caused you to feel that way? I suffered from all of them. Living with the shame of what happened to me growing up and what I did on my own that caused me to feel even more shame. I was flawed, damaged goods, if you will. I was beautiful on the outside but felt filthy on the inside. I felt shame because I felt dirty, inadequate, not worthy of being loved or having anything that I ever dreamed of. In my inadequacies, I believed I was not intelligent. I would claim that I only had two brain cells not knowing that I was speaking death to myself. Due to some lack of memory, I did not believe I could conquer the inadequacy of being intelligent, or a better person. I also believed I was not adequate enough to write a book, return back to school or begin my own business. I had no belief in myself what so ever.

I struggled with all of the above due to the abuse I suffered and because of my lack of self and my feelings. Boyfriends, sex partners(male and female), young or old, did not matter. No, I never abused another child, but my selection of sexual partners were younger than I. I became the teacher, if you will. Not because I wanted to, but I was so advanced in my sexual being that I could. I knew what felt good to me and I had performed it so much, I knew what would make them feel as if they were floating on a cloud. I remember being with a gentleman that was probably twenty years my senior. We met at his jewelry stand and later that week, I became his dirty gem. I remember just laying there allowing him to do as he pleased and to this day I remember the unattractive faces that he made as he pleasured himself via me. There were weeks that would go by when I had been with two to three different men in a day. Sometimes, it was them and then friends.

A whore, skank, nasty, dirty ________, there are so many names I am sure you are calling me as you read this, but what is your claim to shame. Mine was being the pillar and post for anyone to lay inside of and float like a butterfly. You know that high where you don’t want to come down, but eventually you do, that was me. I aimed to please. Whether it was just you, you and your friend or a room full of friends, watching and participating, that was me. I never gave thought to how this would affect me, my family, my health, my daughter(who was not even a thought at the time), my life overall.

My mental state was a disaster until I learned just how precious of a gem I am. I still struggle with my self-esteem at times, but overall, I know how wonderful and beautiful I am. I went through my periods of celibacy off and on, but now I am on the road to being completely pure for my husband. I had a lot of soul searching to do, through all of the filth and feeling of shame. I had to take the time to find out who I was created to be and why I was created. I had to ask God to forgive me and I eventually learned that I had to forgive myself. If I did not go through the shame of being molested and being a sex dump, would my self-esteem have been higher long ago, would I be married at this moment, would I have been a better mother to my deserving daughter. Maybe, but my life was not grand at all, so now, I am trying to right my wrongs.

I cannot change my past, but I have since dropped the feelings of shame, no matter what it cost. I knew I was no longer ashamed of what I did when I was able to tell people what I had endured and it no longer bothered me. Start with being honest with yourself and others. Tell someone you trust about your abuse, your carelessness, your low self-esteem, your suicidal ideations, your lust, your feeling of uncleanliness and all the other things you may be feeling.

Today, I am loving myself more. I take better care of myself, I am in school working on achieving a degree, writing my memoirs and creating a ministry so that I can help others like me. It was not a quick or easy process, but I am still working on me. I know there are a lot of people who still feel ashamed of their past, but it is time to let it go and live a shameless, beautiful and fulfilling life. You can do it and I know you can, because I did. Yes, you did all of it, but God forgives and it is time to forgive yourself. God hears you and he wants to clean you up and make you whole. Be sincere when you go to God. He can create in us a clean heart and a right and renewed spirit. Tell shame that it no longer has a right to dwell in you and you no longer stand in agreement with it. Let God do it today!

Always Retta

© 2017 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved.



Abuse, Molestation, Self-Esteem, Sexual Abuse, Uncategorized

The Power of One!



I had the distinct privilege of serving at a resource center for women. I signed up as a volunteer not knowing what it would entail. I went in with no expectations, just a happy, humble heart to serve. I took the opportunity to walk, instead of driving as it was not far from my job. I arrived and was greeted by a very warm smile from the receptionist. She asked who was I there to see and I informed her that I was a volunteer. She asked if I had ever volunteered there before and I responded “No”. She called Mr. Devin, who ran the kitchen, as well as prepared the meals for the clients. She then informed me of the directions to arrive at the kitchen.

I walked up three steps and made a left turn. I noticed a medium size dining area and a full size commercial kitchen. I walked in and Mr. Devin introduced himself and I did the same. He told me that he would show me how to sign in to the computer, but another group of volunteers showed up, so he did it all at one time. We were informed we needed to place a cap on our heads as well as getting an apron to wear. We were all signed in and the delegation began. Some were told to set the tables while others assisted in preparing the food. The menu for lunch that day was baked beans and sausage. Once our main task were completed, he asked us to fold napkins to fill three baskets. This was actually a time for all to get to know each other. We conversed about multiple things, dealing with our home life and volunteering.

The time was five minutes to twelve and the ladies began pouring in. Gospel music began to play and I began to sing and quietly worship God. This particular moment almost brought me to tears, because at any given day, it could be me. My heart literally fell into my stomach, because I love people. I never want to see anyone hurting, homeless or hungry. We began distributing the food with a warm hello and great big smiles. The ladies were so pleasant and responded in thanksgiving. Yes, they were there to be fed, but they also needed some TLC. You never know the impact you can have by smiling or just greeting someone. We continued to serve and made the ladies feel warm and welcomed. While we were warm and fuzzy, we took notice of staff members that were not.

We encountered the ladies being yelled at for having so many bags, instead of gently asking them to move them, we witnessed the cooks speaking negatively about a client that did not wish to partake of the food. There were conversations had by staff members to the women that were not pleasant or loving. My cohorts and I were taken aback by these actions. Although we are not in this environment daily, we all agreed that everyone should display a servants heart and a loving attitude. When you are already in a downtrodden situation, you do not need another person speaking to you in a degrading and belittling manner. No matter what your situation is, always show kindness and be gentle, as you never know what someone is dealing with. Does your words hurt more or are they comforting?

We never know who we may be entertaining. Never get above yourself that you put others beneath you. In a matter of seconds it could be you who needs some form of assistance. We were all placed here to serve in some capacity. My spirit of serving was evident by many of the ladies, but more so, by one who took the time to come over and speak with me. She told me if she had a business, she would hire me. She shared some of her ups and downs and even some of her more personal matters, that had not been disclosed with anyone but her daughter. I graciously listened and responded when I thought it was necessary. Ms. Tina is what we shall call her, asked when would I be returning so she could come when I was there. I informed her that I did not know for sure as I was volunteering for the day. I kindly let her know that she matters and should continue to be her kind, loving self. I returned back to my duties and the it was soon time to return to work.

On the way back the discussion was what could we do to make things better or what could we change. Many ideas were shared, but needless to say, we did a small portion that day just by serving.  Volunteering, purchasing groceries, reading to a class, cooking a meal or two, cutting the grass of an elderly person, so on and so forth. There are many ways to serve and you must seek out your opportunity to do so. What breaks your heart? What are you passionate about? What can you change immediately? You can be a change agent. So in closing, I ask, who, how and when are you willing to serve?

Peace and Blessings

Always Retta

© 2016 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved



Abuse, Molestation, Self-Esteem, Sexual Abuse, Uncategorized

Free Your Mind and the Rest Will Follow


One of the greatest machines ever created is our mind(brain). It was actually the first computer created. Our minds are capable of retaining and compartmentalizing so much information. Our brain is responsible for various things in our bodies, such as movement, digestion, our personalities, memories and how we see things in the world.

Our body is affected by our brain and our thoughts. If we think unhappy, negative thoughts, it can cause illness in our bodies along with other things. If we think happy thoughts, it causes us to have a more positive outlook on things and more likely to succeed at what we desire.

First, let me  be very clear about what I am about to say. How you see yourself, your life and the details of it, are what you get. You cannot have a negative mindset and expect to live a prosperous life. You cannot expect to succeed, move forward or to gain your hearts desires when you think negatively. Lets take me for example, because I know myself and can only speak about me.

Most of you know I was sexually abused growing up and survived domestic violence as well. My thoughts of myself, my family, my finances and literally everything around me was negative. Not only was I negative, but I did not believe that I deserved better. What happened to me? Well, when you live in an environment that does not celebrate or encourage you, you take things as is or worse. Never did I believe I deserved the best of anything. I did not think highly of myself at all, why should I, my purity and innocence was taken at such an early age and no one poured in to me. I did not have a caregiver or a family member that told me I was kind, I was smart or beautiful.

The only times I was provided with encouraging words was when someone wanted to have sex with me. No one, other than those that wanted me for sex told me how beautiful or sexy I was, and that was because they wanted something from me. No one told me how smart I was or that I could achieve anything I desired to do. My father had no idea I could sing, until I asked my mom to listen to a recording I was working on and my father did not believe it was me, until my mom told him it was several different times.

See your mind controls so much of what you think and do. Could things have been different for me, absolutely. If I had positive reinforcement, positive events and thoughts, my life would have been different a long time ago. I would have thought more highly of myself, I would not have remained in ‘Victim’ mode so long, I would have loved and adored myself sooner, I would respected my complete being sooner, I would have understood my greatness and destiny sooner.

Don’t stay trapped in the negative thoughts and affects of your mind. Free yourself from negative thoughts, negative people, negative issues and negative places. When you completely release every negative aspect and begin to fill it with positive things, your entire life changes. You become more aware, you are filled with joy and peace, You feel like Rocky Balboa when he reached the top of the steps at the museum. When you begin to walk and work in a positive state, everything around you falls into a positive light. Shed that negative weight and begin to walk lighter.

No  more negative self-talk, no more low self-esteem, no more self-hate, no more letting people manipulate you. Hold your head up, learn who you are and how great you are. Encourage and speak well of yourself and to yourself. If you don’t have anyone to encourage or lift you up, I am here for you.

Peace and Blessings,
Always Retta

© 2016 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved

Abuse, Molestation, Self-Esteem, Sexual Abuse, Uncategorized

I’m Your Private Dancer



We are all familiar with Tina Turner and her above titled song. Now let me ask you this, how familiar are you with the spirits that are attached to being sexually abused? Some wonder why that little girl is so promiscuous or why her style of dress changed or why she is so much into wearing makeup now. People never consider that someone may have stolen her innocence. They speak quickly without thought, saying, “She is fast or she is too hot in her pants. We never know what has taken place or make her comfortable enough to build a relationship and inquire if anything has happened to her.

It may not be easy to identify when the innocence of a child has been stolen, or is it. As stated above, the change of dress along with the change of demeanor occurs. We could attach it to them seeing things on television or being in the vicinity of adult conversations. When the innocence of a child has been taken, they are opened up to things that could destroy them. They either desire to explore their sexuality more indepth or they become a recluse. In either situation, pay attention. It also does not help if the child has no strong male figure to show her how a man is suppose to treat her.

Your young daughter, who had hardly any interest in makeup, now wants to wear makeup daily. Something in the psyche tells her that due to this tragedy taking place, it has made her a woman. Not realizing she is still a girl or young lady but had someone who is sick, take her innocence away. As she grows older, the urges to explore become broader and quite careless. Any person that gives her the desired attention, wins. It goes from flirting, to possibly taking nudes, to stripping(private dancer) to prostitution or a mixture of things.

Let me share a little of what I encountered. I began being fondled at a very early age and then molested by my aunt’s boyfriend. The older I turned, the more sexual I became. I got into modeling and laid on many casting couches believing whatever was said to me. I had no self-w0rth, low self-esteem and no self love. I was receiving attention and having sex with any and everyone. It later turned into me performing at private parties, more bachelor parties than anything. The private parties led to prostituting myself for money I did not even need.

Although, I never popped pills, snorted or shot up any type of drugs, I was still an addict. I was a sex addict. There were days I would have multiple sexual partners in a day and other days I would be with one person and have sex multiple times that day until I was sore or they were tired. It was not because I wanted to, but because I thought that was what would make the other person happy and keep liking me. Although the private parties did not last too long, I  quickly grew tired of having to drink until I was literally drunk to perform and then have sex with the soon to be groom. When you have no idea what life is really like and the spirits that dwell inside you, do what I did. I began to read. It took me well into my forties to realize that multiple spirits were dwelling in me.

The spirits of abandonment, lust, perversion, rejection, self-rejection and multiple other spirits had taken over. I compared myself to others and wondered why I was never happy with myself. When you have sexual intercourse with someone, you are biblically considered to be married to them. You have two souls that become one. Spirits may transfer one by one or they come in groups. Lust and perversion are generally always together. In order to extract these spirits, you must find the root of the spirit and cast it out. If you don’t repent and cast the spirits out, they will attract other spirits. Homosexuality, Lesbianism, pornography, perversion and many other spirits come from being molested or raped.

If you ever want to get back to your true self, READ!!!!! There are many books on spiritual warfare and deliverance. Another way to get rid of the demons that dwell in you from your experience with sexual abuse is to pray and fast. Light and darkness cannot dwell in the same place. If you want your happiness, peace, love, joy and a fulfilling life, you have to become free.

The only private dancing you should be doing is for your future husband. Remember that God loves you and so do I.

Peace and Blessings,
Always Retta

© 2016 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved

Abuse, Molestation, Self-Esteem, Sexual Abuse, Uncategorized

I’ve Got the Power!!

Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat. Fearlessness is being without fear, bold and brave.

Growing up in South Carolina, I was fearful of almost everything. We were chased by dead snakes, fish heads and many other things. Why did those things scare me when they were rendered powerless?

That is how you should look at fear, as powerless. Why are you afraid of failure? Attempting to build a business, work on your credit, establishing opportunities, come with the advantage of failing. Yes, I said advantage. If you never attempt to do it, you don’t know if it will work or not.

God says in the book of Timothy, “God did not give us the spirit of fear: but of power, love and a sound mind.” The best way to beat your fears is to face them head on. If you are scared to go parasailing, do it! If you think your business will fail, do it. What do you lose if it fails? You actually gain knowledge of what worked best and what did not.

You have the power to succeed or fail, because you did not try or you did try. Don’t allow anything or anyone to intimidate you. God has given you gifts and talents to complete anything you desire to do. Stop running and face your fears!

Take the time to write your fears down and what it is that makes you afraid. Write what you think can be done to overcome that fear. You have to power to succeed and conquer that fear. What are you waiting for?

Peace and Blessings,
Always Retta

© 2016 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved

Source: I’ve Got the Power!!

Abuse, Molestation, Self-Esteem, Sexual Abuse, Uncategorized

Hello…My Name is___________

Hello...My name is

How many times have you been called something other than your name? Have you been called worthless, fat, ugly, or possibly told you are not smart enough, not pretty enough or “JUST NOT ENOUGH?” So have I, but what I want you to know today is that you eventually become what you are called. If you accept it and answer to it, you are allowing yourself to become that instead of believing what God calls you. Never answer to the negative voices in your head or the negative persons in your life. You are better than that, but you have to believe it for yourself.

Maria Bogdanos who wrote the article, Signs of Emotional Abuse for Psych Central.com states that, “It can cripple all we are meant to be as we allow something untrue to define us.” If we continue to allow someone to speak negatively into our lives on a consistent basis, you will begin to believe what they are saying. It will begin to play in your head on repeat.

Growing up, I was called so many things, that I would just answer, due to not knowing any better or not knowing my identity. I was told by family members and acquaintances that I would be good for nothing but laying on my back and I was ugly. Those things along with others shaped me in such a way that I believed them. You see, I already did not know what love look like, so I accepted any and every negative thing spoken to me. Please don’t follow in my mistake and accept any negativity in your life.

In Ephesians 2:10 it says,”For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them .” To me, this says that God created us and we are absolutely, unequivocally, amazing and gifted! Keep saying that statement out loud over and over until you get it. We are all beautiful humans which God created. God made us in his image and he does all things well, which includes you and I. Just like pets, people teach us to be mean and hateful, that is not how we entered the world. God sees every bit of beauty and goodness in you. When others don’t see your beauty, it is because they are blind of their own beauty. God does not make mistakes and you were not a mistake. You are a true masterpiece, like the Sistine Chapel painted by Michelangelo.

You were created to be uniquely different in every way. You are the only one with your fingerprints. Your smile, your eyes, your hair, your intelligence, your character, your integrity, your height, and your weight, along with other aspects of your makeup, define how wonderful you are. Take a look in the mirror and study yourself. Really, really take a look at yourself. Study every feature and journal about your likes and dislikes about them. In journaling about your dislikes, I want you to be able to look back and see your growth and love for self. I desire for you to notice every mole, every bump, and every scar. They are all forever a part of you, so embrace them.

Last but definitely not least, if you make the decision to change something someone dislikes about you, change it, because you want to, not because of them. If they complain about any part of you, they don’t love you completely. If you have an issue with your weight, you change it. Consult a nutritionist or a personal trainer to assist you. When someone loves you, they take you just as you are and love on you.

So, the next time someone calls you ugly, reintroduce and say, “Hello, my name is beautiful!” or when someone tells you that you are not good enough, reintroduce yourself by saying, “Hello, I am enough,actually, I am more than enough!” You get the picture. My challenge to you is to see who God created you be and be that valuable, beautiful person. The next time someone calls you out of your name, reintroduce yourself to them. Hello,my name is Retta Timmons and I am a gifted, talented, beautiful, funny and amazing child of God.

Peace and Blessings,
Always Retta

© 2016 Retta Timmons. All Rights Reserved